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Sirgirl (40)

No topic (c)

在近距离望着她，听她讲述，就会产生强烈想拥抱她的欲望和冲动，这种念头不可抗拒。我扪心自问，这会有错吗？与真诚善良拥抱怎么也不为过。 这不是人性之又一本质的东西吗？为什么要回避。坦白说，在向她倾诉后的第二天我过得最轻松，无忧无虑，甚是萧洒从容。我不时友好的拉拉她的手，拍拍她的肩，并拥抱一下。我发现自己像她一样放松自由，真诚无邪。其实这是心灵的一种碰撞，是异性相吸。拥抱她时的心情不是激动躁动，而是一种心静气平的感觉。我真想站着抱着她就闭眼一会儿，就相互依靠着，站着，闭上眼。什么都不想，睡一小会儿。那种感觉真好，好似在体验一种什么，好久好久没有了。却又觉得没体验到什么，就这么静，这么心平如镜无思无索，什么富人穷人，生和死，爱和恨，权力和金钱，等等，都一下无影无踪了。那么安静，时间好象停止，就这种感觉。以后一段时间里，我想自己是CRAZY了，怎么也甩不掉想拥抱她的念头，且每次都有同样的感觉。恐怕我一直在寻找这种感觉，而这种感觉真的无法用普通语言能阐述清楚。我想这也是一种情爱吧。这又有什么错呢？！
说实在的，在我心灵深处瘟藏着一种渴望和热切，我没察觉，或没预料到。但我做人的原则一直被一 种道德所规范，长久以来以此为准则。我为自己设下底线，算是一种道德界线吧。爱也好，恨也好，都以此为界。她说得极好：过了这线，爱就不存在了，或者爱就不能持久。其实我很明白这点，我希望不失去她也立足于这个基点。如果线这边这层次是最美丽，我就让这种美丽永远保持下去，为何要去跨越它呢？那天，我真的不希望她把一切都道得那么一明二白。她的感受使我惭愧，有点无地自容，也颇受打击。自尊性仿佛受到伤害。说真的，她应该如此表露。以她的性格，她的为人，她的修养，她的经历，等等，都可以证明她应该这么提醒。我十分地理解和称道，但心里一直责怪和抱怨，为什么一定非要捅破呢？难道模糊不更好吗？模糊有时候表现为一种宽容和容忍。心与心的交流和理解是不应用言语表述的，情感交流不一定用肢体接触。一种爱的传递不一定要表明得清清楚楚。你能感觉，领会，彼此一样，就是最好的了。真可惜啊！只是我应该想到的。尽管如此，我从那刻起还是有种负罪感，好象小孩子犯错误似的很愧疚难过。那晚我又失眠了。我恼怒自己欠考虑，太自由化，太得意忘形。我以为找到了丢失的东西后，去充分享受是我的一种权利和义务。那之前曾多次（想）拥抱她，我心里知道，在次数上每次拥抱都在增加，但从时间上却成相反，每次拥抱后就会失去一些，即拥抱一次少不次，这种感觉真是奇怪，无法控制。尽管她不断解释，我那份当初的感觉却再也无法找回。我喜欢听她说，喋喋不休地说，并不时看着她的脸，她的眼，心里会生出爱怜之情，觉得真好。但那以后好象这种看也会灼伤她的那种美丽而不敢多为之。这种强忍其实很难过，也太虚假了，但我没选择余地。人就是这样，一旦被某种观念控制了大脑，这种占主导的强势力量就无可摧毁。我把她当作妹妹，其实是我的界线。但我俩都知道，这种关系并非亲哥妹的关系，就像母亲是女性，但拥抱母亲和拥抱她，同是女性，却有多大的区别啊。我真愿意为她分担忧愁，尽一份哥哥的责任，这样做会使我感到满足。
短暂几日匆匆而过，但它留下的是一种强烈的震撼，一种难 却难舍的心理责任，一种兄妹般的但又不同于兄妹的深情爱意。它的意义不仅在于认识了生活，体悟了那真啼，更可贵的是发现一种美。美使人忘却自己的存在，忽略了周围万物的运转，抛弃了所有的世俗观念。这种美足以使人格升华，使人性重新得到端正。我之所以追求这种美，是因为我深深的人性深处需要这种美，渴望这种美。我愿这种美永存于我心中，为我一生所追求。
这就是我想写想说的，但愿这一切的感受能被理解和赞同，并达成共识。
人生能有一知已足唉！愿这颗种子不断受到阳光雨露的滋润，结出人间最美丽的花蕾。

2002 年10月 30日

Sirgirl (39)

No topic (b)

她评说我外貌比实际年龄轻，带有小伙子的年轻体魄。我不以为然。其实大有讲究。这既是一个理论问题，又是一个实践问题。我仿佛一下子突然醒悟，发现了一个真理：即我十年如一日的持恒不变的呼唤，一种心里的渴望和追求。渴望美丽的过程亦是培养人年轻心态的过程。心不老，容亦能老。现在想来，我其实害怕丧失年轻活力，一旦思维不再年轻，亦能有更新的追求，亦能趋同年轻人般的渴望。我没有故意地搅动这种渴望，没故意地去主动发现，但它其实潜藏在我心灵深处，一直在那。那么多年以后，它又出现了，一下子就蹦出来了，真使人猝然不及。我真快乐，快乐的有点颠疯。看来人的潜意识是很深很深的，轻易不能唤醒。只要被认为年轻，就是一种踏实，一种快乐，更不要说被她认同。
讲我的故事给她听，我付出了极大的勇气。她是一位可寄托情感的人。她的理解和接受会赋予我强烈的欲望。这种欲望推着我一步一步向前，推动我不断思想和讲述我不能轻易外泄的心中秘密。向亲人讲向友人讲只是一种暂时的解脱；向她讲向一自己讲是心灵的释然，一种沉醉，一种由沉重滑向欢愉的快感，是一种区别于一般的平静，是一种包含一切的情感的渲泄和释放，是一种从末有的轻松快乐。我只希望她静静地听，双眼看着我，微启双唇，眼神中流露出渴望和急切，并点头称是。其实，她真是做到了这一切。与我心目中的幻想极其吻合。
在那么一个深夜，万籁俱静，黄昏昏的灯光相印出二个身影在墙上。窗外远山群落，一轮明月高悬，繁星满天。你能极目很远，但你看不见一个活体，除了偶尔一声牛哞，你听不见任何声音。这个世界好象凝结了，固定了，千变万化的世界瞬间冻滞了。使你联想到无常和有常，使人翩翩浮起物体的静止和跃动，活体的生和死，男人和女人，一切任何含有对立意义的东西，此时都具有灵魂。她说星空真近，真好看，好象从来末看见过。但是，满天星空也只是暂时的，近是有了用远作比较才存在。可不，明晨那灿烂星空即被阳光满目而取而代之，它又变得那么遥远而不可及。因此，暂时和永远成了许多人写作的主题。习幕蓉说暂时是美丽的，只因曾经拥有。她说长久永远是不实际和虚幻的。怎么评说她的思想体系都不为过，你能说她的暂时论不对吗？为什么有那么多人崇拜这种理论，而信奉为真理，并含笑于痛失之后。我对此理念理解很简单，如果存在再次寻找这种短暂的希望，那么为何不使短暂变长久呢？暂且不论永远，这的确遥远。短暂是美丽的，但长久不更灿烂吗？！让思绪再回到她墙上的身影中。面对她，在这样一个夜晚，向她倾诉久藏心中的隐秘，的的确确是一种彻底的释放。那一幂，那一景，她那一刻的全部表情，都给我留下难以忘怀的记忆。我知道，这是我人生道路上的又是一个里程碑，在心中树下了。它会激发我生命的火花，使之更绚丽。
我把梦的最后一部分告诉了她，这化了我大量勇气，凝聚了我极大的精力，一旦道出，就好象死过去了。那一刹那静极了，空气也没了似的。我等待她的判决。她的判决对我的判断可谓至关重要。如果判断失误，可谓我又被一种假像所蒙骗，那我将极其可怜而无地自容。随之而来的会是对自己的愤怒和否定，对事物也就会失去正确的判断力，而沉溺于无常之中。可是她的判决肯定了我的判断，反过来激励了我，使我振奋。好胜性再次战胜了我，可谓前途一片光明。十年了，我没有作过这种判断，但一旦作了，一拙而就。我拥抱她，一刹间我得到了平静和激动共有的滋味。我把十年化作一瞬间，充分体现这种满足，体会这份沉重。这一瞬间，我尝到了快乐，又更理解了幸福的含义。我扪心自问：我真的还有这种情感，能体会，能迸发，能被触动，能使之激烈。真快乐无比。这份是真的，对比之下，其它一切还算得了什么。既然最终我拥有了它，我就不想失去它，要长久，要久远。这是我对习幕蓉思想的发展。找人做朋友容易，求一知已却难唉。她说有人一生难得一知已，确实如此。
她是那么可爱，但最可爱之处是她的真诚。“真”是天真无邪，一切表露都贴切自然，不分场合，不分你我，让人联想她只是个小小的女孩而已。人最可爱之处也在于此。“诚”是诚实实在，而诚实是人的又一大本性，是人与人之间交流的基础，是做人的最初。可惜很多人犯忌了，违背了诚实的要义。她的最优秀之处是这二字。这就使我把她身体外形，音容笑貌，行为举止，言论思想综合一体，这样看待她的真诚就更具体，更突出，更可贵。她可以在你耳旁不停地讲述她的过去，现在和将来，其中你就可洞察她的性格，思想，品格，作风和道德观念。一些理念听起来也十分平凡，却那么吸引人去听，用心去理解，而过耳不忘。她那调皮的一笑，一个眼神或者一个小动作都使人赏心悦目，联想到真实诚信这四个字。我有时正害怕 真诚被伤害或被利用，为她的所遇而不平。但我不知自己能为此作些什么，只能生出那些儿怜惜之情，只能悲愤不平，却不能为之有所作为。好人容易受伤害恐怕指的是斯吧！(to be continued )

Sirgirl (38)

No topic (a)

十年前， 我经历过一次情感的冲击，是第一次感受到如此的强烈和震憾， 以至受到了深深的伤痛，深受其纠缠而一时难以自制。 那种汹涌的撞击， 至今尚有感悟。 虽然时过境迁， 一切归于平静，仿佛一夜春风过后， 大地又恢复如常，万物一切照旧。 该生的生，该长的长，该衰的也回天乏力。但对于那段情感，你却无法主观地一味抹去， 想当然地结束。今天想来，它其实就像一颗种子，随时准备着发芽，只要给它条件。我以为对于过去的那段情感冲突已经完全结束，我已经把它像处理一颗“不孕的种子”一样随手扔在了谷仓的角落，它自然如其它一切封尘旧贷一般，永远只能躺在那儿，每年积上少许尘埃。久而久之，就不再为人所见，从而名存实亡，没人能再见到它。大概属于“永远”了。现在看来，这又违背了一条自然法则，有饽科学。想来也是，一颗种子只要遇上温度，水分，土壤和阳光，就会发芽，出苗，现蕾，结实。 条件是它发芽生长的关键。 那样简单的道理，我一个在科学院待了多年的人竞然会视而忽略，真是自欺欺人，掩耳盗钤。 那颗种子十年以后，又遇温而发了。

（我这里要强调的仅仅是那颗种子，并非是那段情感。那段情感早已OVER，我真的不想再提它。但种子是有权利遇温而发的，它代表一种自然，一种本性，一种规律，不能人为地限制它。它遇条件再生的特性不以人的意志为转移。 我仅想这般注释。）

其实我一直在寻找一种纯美朴实的感情，纯真美丽，朴实自然，一种具有一切真善美特性的人性的美。自从有了一次，我就联想和感悟过这世间真有这种美丽，但那只是如此短暂，令人疑惑。一切归于平静后，我又处在一种生来具有的水平中。世态炎凉。
应该说， 这种美丽的客观存在是不以人们的意志为转移，它的的确确地存在着。这么多年后（人一生能有几个这么多年？！），我又深深地感触到了它，真令我惊颤不已。我突然感到，这么多年来，我一直在苦苦追寻着它，期待它的再次出现。那种昨夜星辰火光如此晕眩，使人一闭眼就能梦见，欲罢不能。它的出现其实是我自己心灵的呼唤，是人性本能的反应，就如种子，遇适而长。 你能强忍而冷静吗？你能遇感而不动吗？你能熟视无睹吗？对美的追求，其实真的是应该提倡的。
曾几何，我把那种相似曾见的那一瞥GLIMPSE或暗示HINT理解为EXPENDING OLIVER BRANCH，伸出橄榄枝，我试图抓住它，但结果却非也。时间一久，才意识到一种真的东西非能随时而遇，到处存在。到处存在的东西一定是大众的，普遍的，一般的，是一种平面，无生动可言。因此说，能求一自己，一生足唉！有的人一生不能遇上而抱憾终身；有的人津津乐道，遇上的其实是樽木偶，毫无生动烂漫而言。现在我不得不承认，潜意识流的强烈而不可拒绝，汹涌而不能阻挡，一旦出现，即迸发，使人奋进。象一匹战马，一旦上征，义无返顾，只能向前，向前。我又发现了它，它不是一种HINT，不是一个GLIMPSE，它是那种曾带给过我的真美。不过这次更具体，更灿烂，更真实，更完美。它的出现唤醒了沉睡在心田里的一种诱发因子，我再次感悟到它的存在。这里的四个“更”字，不是一种强调，而是一种经验，一种情感（情感不分年轻年长，不论年龄，不因轻而艳，老而衰），是一种比较。
说到美丽，应该多言几句。美丽不仅是一种形，表像，英语是APPEARANCE，而是一种质，内函，英语是IMAGE。而我还会赋以更多的含义。正有了前车之鉴，我看待美丽更谨慎，生怕惊动
吓跑了她。她的美是一种形体，语言，性格，气质，内函，天真，自然，友善，真诚的混合体， 这种真诚天真无邪不分你我，不论甲乙场所，她无所不在，处处显现。你不用太仔细，就能观察到，体验到，感受到，受其感染，受其鼓舞。一剂清凉到心田。这种美丽，使人不敢多看，不敢奢求，不忍近睹，生怕那怕是多那么一GLIMPSE，就会吓跑她，伤害她，也不敢近看，生怕惊动她，扰恼她。这种美不用装饰，不用打扮，自自然然，和和谐谐，大大方方。她在黑暗中也能闪光。她貌不惊人，但却能鹤立鸡群。但是，这种混集于一身的美丽毕竞不是花，像贵自牡丹，只能欣赏。这种美丽自己存在的同时，又召唤人去体味她，抚引她。她不只为赞颂而存在，她为一般人所不能见。我自持非常人，有那种本领和资格去领略她，慰恤她。这就导出下一要义：我每时每刻都想怀拥她，温暖她，体会她，使自己的心灵得到安慰和体恤。要是说观察或视看只是一种欣赏，一种远距离的思维行为，那么，怀拥才是一种真实感觉，一种真的心灵感应。它更深切，更直接，更振震，更奋亢，更能使人激动，激起联想。之后，是一种满足的平静，平静的能使人舍弃一切，满目不再。之后，又想怀拥。而且，一次比一次更渴望更急切，就象上了烟瘾，不能自己。我自持自制力极强，且过后也产生负罪感，好象恰恰是自己做错了事，伤害了这种美丽，破坏了和谐。我也就无数次地检讨和叹息，最后总留下一悬念：难道真懂和体恤美丽也算一种罪过？我一直被这界于负罪感与切实感之间的情感所折磨着，不能有结论。
我不赞同一见钟情，但却以为人的真实虚伪却能一见之而见其斑。我与她相处二年却视她如其他人一般，末发现任何异常。近来一周，特别这次短游却如三日而见一世，有落叶见秋之切实之感。我发现了她的美丽聪明，也重新鉴定了自己心底的对美追求呼唤的热切要求。追求真美是人的一种本能活动，但不是每个人都能成功地找到这种存在，很多人错失了，却还在津津乐道。在我看来很可怜。美在他们眼里不再，只会被糟蹋。我自以为是少数人之一，能明锐地发现并抓住她。其实这是我作为人的一种自然本能的坦露表现。从这点讲，任何为之所为（行为），如果说是人的本能，就不存在错，那么怀拥她或者不断地思念渴望再次怀拥她，又有何罪？！她说拥抱母亲是一种释放和亲和，应该多和母亲相拥抱。此话无不有理。母亲是一种女性，是伟大的代表，世上可以没有其它存在，但不能没有母亲。母亲不能取而代之。母亲有点超自然，她只有在性别上是相同的，同属女性。母亲不是美丽，却包含着美丽。她不是一种具体的美。同样，我怀拥她时，我产生一种深切感同拥抱母亲是那么的不同。 同理，母爱是永存的，每一刻都能领悟。而怀拥她时，那种怜爱之情是一股突然腾升的情感，它的汹涌只有意识到时才存在。它的基础是首先对它的发现。 可见之下，这是二种有区别的感受。因此，非我缺乏母亲的拥抱才会不断涌现怀拥她的CRAZY 感觉。这其实是一种情感的需要，是一种支配，也是善性的本意行为。否则为啥这般强烈而不可阻挡。这种欲望又是那样地不可抑制。 (to be continued)

Sirgirl (37)

Girl,

Thank you so ever much for all your professional clinic opinions and concepts which, in fact, remind me a lot in the future. Yes, when I told all this to my friends in Los Angeles, all of them were scared and frightened and neither of them didn’t advise me to contact a doctor in a day or two, or call to the emergency the next time without any hesitation. It is a life joke, I made it too extreme and I went to extreme, too. I have to say to you, I have a apology to you for that. I am a really tough and unreasonable. And I promise you I will come to a doctor immediately if there WAS a next time.

Girl, you might never imagine where I am sitting now, I am sitting in a university library and reading your two mails and writing back. One colleague in the Sheng Yang co. came to this univer. For accounting MS degree in Sept. this year. When I went to D.C I connected her and had a dinner last night at my friend’s home with all of them. She is having a temporary lodging in her cousin’s house who has been in the states for 9 years already and run a good business in Los Angeles. As today I don’t have any plan to go somewhere here, so I take a invitation and come with her to this univ. for lectures. I just finished the first Accounting Law lesson a few minutes ago and I don’t want to continue the second lesson Accounting, so I came to the library and she went to the class. This is a big univ. with many buildings around. I don’t have time to look at all. You know the first thing first is to view the mail from you which is a daily important thing for me to do. But it was pity for the past two days I didn’t have a chance to go through it. Yesterday afternoon my friend picked me up in the airport and we went to some supermarkets to get something. Oh, I forget to tell you that I bought the book “the Bridge of the Medisan County” in D.C which I had looked for a quite long time in Shanghai. You can read it and I am sure you will like it. This evening my friend will lead me around the area where is closed to Hollywood. It is said many locals and foreigners come though and gather together in the evening time. There are a lot of fun. Ok, I will come to look at it, as you said it is my time, and I will relax for a while. Last nigh I got 6 hours a good quality sleep, this is the first time I believe to have it, so luxuriously since then. Oh, I also bought a Sony digital camera here in $370, it is easy to picture and scan and to connect with computer for printing or editing. I like it. The next time we go for sightseeing, we can easily take pictures you want or you want to delete, it is memory stick, don’t use a film as you know. Ok, I will come back in one more day here, I feel much better while thinking of that. As you know I am not a person being custom to away from my hometown for a long time. I miss my family, miss you and my dear familiar atmosphere in Shanghai. America is good, but it is not my country. You can stay here for some personal or public reasons, but you have to go back to your own life in our own motherland where you born and bred, you got the culture there and you got the people there, too. As you said as I get another back of my life ( is it so serious? But I trust you!), I will take it every minute important.

Yes, nothing else belongs to you but life, and the life to one is only once in all, if you take careless
of it, you will feel sorry for your family and friends, you are not a qualified guy to come to this world. Thank you heartily for you so concern my health which makes me touching, especially I am in a distance away, hundreds and thousands in a distance, in the other country. I want to say, my dear girl, with your person concern, how I could thank you so much, words expression become too pale and with no emotion or passion. Ok, another couple of days I will fly back and, of course, I may not see you instance in a short time as you take some annual leaves, but call me and talk to me without any delay. I might have only one way to enjoy your voice to peace my heart. This must be the last mail before leaving for Shanghai I think. But I am still eager to seek yours in return. Please also take yourself care and enjoy every minute in your life. Your thing has become my concern ever time when it turns into your daily life. Let me say throw a sky kiss to you to express my miss to you.

Sir

Sirgirl (36)

Girl,

It is me again. It is an exactly messing actually. It supposed that I had said to you for several times with a last mail sent to back, but I work on a computer again today in my friend's home to write you again. But no doubt this is a real last mail I am able to send to you. Tomorrow I will fly to San Francisco first and then transfer the another plane direct to Shanghai. I guess if nothing happens, it will be the local time 8pm on Sunday I will be home. It is Saturday in your time now, I guess you must have a good time whole day today. And you will spend another whole week for a complete relaxing at home or short sightseeing out of city, that is very good and good for your health. Wish you a happy week. The climate here is almost as hot as summer in Shanghai, temperature reaches 28 in daytime and early morning and evening is little cool. It is so called the Sunshine in California. That it is. The nature here is not as good as that in eastern parts of the states like Washington D.C where I came from a few days ago, trees are not good looking and lines of arrangement are not systematical, nor more colorful pictures as I think as usual. It is because I just come from the area where a beautiful nature leaves me too much space to think about and sigh maybe, or maybe I have too much good expectation to everywhere in the states under-conscious or under-mind. Anyway we need to get a sense that nothing will be complete perfect in this world as you expect, in another word, anything needs improving. Ok, this trip to me is much worth and necessary to my carrier. I know when I come back I need do more than usual, but that is ok to me. I will be more capability of doing that kinds of job which will lead me to another new level other than the point where I initially work. Please just call me or write

to me if you are able to do that during this whole your time week. I'd like to hear your voice as soon as possible. I feel so good that tomorrow I am back, back to my hometown, back to my dear family and back to you, the most trusted friend of mine. Ok, just remember I miss you so much.

Sir

Sirgirl (35)

Hi, girl,
it is me again, i am now sitting in the office in the main state writing to you. so happy to read your amil, i found your mail is much better than ones you sent to me. i have another two days here for a consultation and it seems that i use all the time of mine to discuss topics with officers here. they are all cooperative and give me a lot help and assistnats. anyway, just let you know i am find. but i want to tell you i almost spent three hours horroble last night, hei,hei,hei, this morning, at 1 to 4am, i never get so pain in the stomache, i had to twiste my body for a long time and support my belly with my hand and roll down in the carpet here and there. my God, i didn't think i could come back at that time. i thought many things, life, death, just like movies screen one by one, i think i might not stand to tomorrow. i could call medical emergency, but at so deep night i didn't bother anybody, like Mr. Flxxg whose apart. is away 50 yards from mine, i only thought come on, i could stand another half hour. you know i thought about the Twin buildings colapsed on Sept.11 and somebody dropped down from the floors that time, these poeple might think the death is much better than the life at that itme during all smokings and fires arounding and temporature was so tremendously high. so i was so sad to think why i got it here, in the states. i thought about you, i might not have any chance to tell you everything intersting, so pity, so suffer, so sorrow you won't get it as i did at the moment. three hours late, i got to sleep in unconciously and until 7 am. when i woke up, the first thing i felt "i come back, my life is back", so beautiful, life is so wonderful, i love the life. everything comes back just. ok, you don't worry about it while i tell you this, this is only one experiences happening to me in this country.

yesterday, Mr. Dxxe's accompanied me around the their president G.Washington's private ranch, i spent a valueable mornig and had lunch with them in a Chinese restaurant where I thought i ate something bad which caused me a night pain in my stomache. ok, my girl, one more day i will fly to Los Sangeles for another three days exatily for myself own. anyway, i will write you more if i could. take care yourself and have a good rest.
Sir

Hi, dear girl

I am now sitting in the library in FSI this afternoon use the internet again to try my fingers to you. You know that is uncomfortable in the Main States as a consultation this morning, this doesn’t mean people there are not polite, the security checking made me nerves every minute and every time. And in the morning I was leaded to the chief of finance officer who introduced me to the second accounting lady who showed her job and asked me some questions at time, but I didn’t have, because I just want to learn some. Then she escorted me to the next, and the next escorted me to the next, until the fifth lady I talked to, and I needed to talk to everyone of my purpose of coming here and my interesting topics. Boring, isn’t it. At the last, the chief asked me what else I would like to know, I could say nothing. I never though I would be in this way being a consultation man in the Main States. Each cabinet I went to, need by someone else, and was watched, too. You know this morning I used computer in limitation, one lady whose computer I used is a little kind and let me use only ten minutes, then she came to me and logged it off. I know that is their role to control the office security. So I raised to the chief that Id’ like to go back to FSI this afternoon than stay in the Main States. She was happy, just as she gets rid of a burden. My God, what am I, I be a burden of other’s. So I took shuttle here and sat in a library to continue my mail to you. A long story, hopefully you totally understand. I know I told you a horrible “accident” happening to me, a pain in my stomached is so sudden, so painful, so unusual and so untouchable which I’ve never and ever caught. When I said I had tripped to the Heaven ( should be Hail ) once, please don’t be so shock ( surprised ), I just described it to you what really having happened to me last night or a dawn in this morning. While I said I lost my conscious, it really means that I was swept though and tied to be nearly coma. Ok, now everything seems over, I come back. I want to tell you I feel life beautiful and meaningful when the last nightmare was over. Every new idea comes up to my mind and I just feel very fresh and pretty new today. I can go back to see/talk/face to you again, what a beautiful thing it is. I am sorry for the mail of this morning, it may be too much exaggerate, but what I want to do is to get you know me. You are my dear friend whom I truly trust, I even not tell my family. I am afraid they will get worry. What about you, it seems you get completely recovery from a bloody sickness, that is very good. But be careful, this season is not so good, it easily get something bad. I miss you and I always remember your smiling face and your gesture and your naughty childhood naïve. I sigh sometimes for something. I know this is human basis, they always think of their time during their childish. I miss it, too. So whenever I see you, I, for some reasons, can’t help recalling my time during being a child. Anyway, I think you really bring me a lot, I hope you will get it in return from me. This maybe the last mail, but who knows. Looking forward to reading yours soon.

Sir

Sirgirl (34)

My dear sir,

In fact, i almost finished my first reply to your previous frightening mail, suddenly my pc stopped! I had to turn it off and start it again, all the words gone. However, i still remember them so i will write to you again, since they are important for me to tell you.

I feel very surprised and sorry to know that you expereinced such kind of pains in the strange country yourself. And, please, please call the emergency call next time if it happen again. You didn't describe the painful moment a lot, but i think i can feel it myself. That kind of pains are reall bad, i even doubt if it is " Mang Chang Yan"??

Dear sir, i just want to tell you that as you told me that how beautiful our lives are, so we should, you, SHOULD, cherish of your life. We only have one time of our life, not as the heros in the game that could revive several times. If it really happened something, it will be a great loss to your family, to me and to all of your friends! Please cherish your life, especially when you are alone far away. I also can understand that usually the long time healthy people as you and I usually won't care too much of our body, since it always works very well, so when some symptons happen, we will neglect it or miss it. However, some weak people start to watch their health very carefully since they always have minor problems, and in that case, they could live longer some times.

I am the case, before this year, i am always very healthy and don't care too much of myself, but this year, seems several minor problems happen together which remind or alert me to take care of myself to have more rest or exercise even i am still young. And i also felt somewhat kind of pains as well, but i went to see the doctor right away and finally be fine quickly. So, please take very good care of yourself, this is the most important thing in the world. If these days you feel painful again, please don't hesitate to go to the doctor immediately to have the check. I want you be fine back !

And please don't feel that i am too serious that next time you won't willing to tell me. I just point out the fact and wish to tell you, please cherish your life, that moment, even you thought about many good things, thought about me, but i couldn't appear and help you that time. You should save yourself. Please understand my feelings.

Well, please be careful until you back. I am sure you will learn something from this inculding know how beautiful our lives are. :) Your morning experience also not pleasant, but it is over. You will have your own time then, please enjoy yourself and wish to share your story and pictures soon.

I will remember to call you next early week. Take really good care of yourself then i promise you i won't feel worry about you then . :):)
Yours,
Girl

Girl,

You know I really miss the time with you and miss you, too. But unfortunately, I don’t have much Room for that. All my Room, I mean the time and the space, is occupied by the Bloody course, I curse it “shit!”.

Last night, Oh, boy, hope this is the last night, I didn’t even lift my head in a one minute in my apart. to read all left materials, I said the three books given to me the same day, I will have another test this afternoon, and all these sources are useful for the test. Not until 1 am this morning, could I go to bed and had only 4 hours of bloody nightmare dreams. I got up 5:30 and cooked something simple breakfast for myself at the meantime I did some morning exercises, just twisted my body and pushed it moving around anyway. I miss the run in the morning in Shanghai, too, which always makes me high spirit in whole day. Then I spent one hour to continue reading a book left unfinished the night before, in fact only five hours between, to me this is another fresh, new and hope day. Fortunately, this is the first good quality sleeping I have since came to the states, so sound so good. Though 5 hours only, the quality is so good. So now sitting in the classroom, I found I am fully spirit with good mood. I think the test should be ok to me. As you said Chinese is always smart and intelligent, yes, I am. How are you doing? I am a little disappointed a moment ago when I found I didn’t get your mail back while opening the mail box. Anyway, that is ok, maybe you were with your busy weekend there. I have to stop writing and go back to my hard lesson now. And if you don’t get my further emails tomorrow or in two days, that is ok, because I will finish the course today, and no way to use internet any more at least Saturday and Sunday, I will try my best on it for the next Monday, but who knows it will smooth out. Take care and write me if possible.

Sir

Sirgirl (33)

Congratulations, sir

You really did the good job and i feel very proud of you as the same Chinese. Why chinese people could lead the world for so many years just because we enjoy the very good features that work very hard and long and until we reach our achievements. Congratulations again!

Last year, i went to Frankfurt for the training, but luckily that we needn't to have the final test. But due to the jet-lag, i couldn't adjust my rest time well at the first 3 days, until the 4th days, i
could feel much clear of my mind when i was in the classroom. :):) So i could truly imagine that how hard you worked and your sleepness won't be too good. Anyway, you already complished all these tough tasks and offer yourself the truly free time. Please enjoy the precious time with yourself, i can tell that this feeling should be very wonderful, since you could design and enjoy yourself time 100%. You are able to go anywhere you like and visit anyone you want. Now is your festival!

Please take some pictures back to show me so that i will also have some good ideas about this beautiful country which i heard a long time ago. Be submerged by thoes museums and cultures, try to figure out and understand another kind of people's life style and thinking way always is my dream and my interests. This world is too diversed that there are endless new and nolve things which attract me to explore, to keep this thought in your mind, then i think i won't be old no matter how old i am. :):) Last night i did go out for dinner also and enjoy my Friday weekend after one same boring work week , especially recently here rained a lot and cold. So i got the real relaxation out and enjoyed the live music and songs. And today i also did help my mum to make dumplings at home and later i will go out for a small shopping. To have myself own time is so good, i feel very free.

Please don't worry about that you can't log on internet. If not , it is absolutely fine, just have yourself time and enjoy your abroad intersting experience so when you back you could describe to me. And i think i will stay the same weight, not too slim or too fat. :):) I will do some exercise these days.

Fianlly, i want to tell you again that i feel very proud of you, you are a smart and hard working guy, that is why you have yourself full confidence. You are better than other American guys i think.

Well, please enjoy your dinner also and have a very sound and deep rest in the next few days...
Best regards,
Girl

Girl,

We have got another test, I hope this is a last one. Tomorrow I finish everything here and be relaxed. Everyday you know I only get 5 hours to sleep and not enough, because I nearly every one hour I must wake up and look at the clock though I set a alarm clock at certain time. So sleeping quality is much good and I feel so tired. I don’t really hope this situation will last any longer. Friday evening, Mr./Mrs Fxxg will lead me to a dinner and Saturday I originally plan to make a short tour in NY, but who knows I will go there, because it takes 3.5 Hrs going and another same time returning if by train, I try to get up earlier than usual, in fact, everyday I get up before 5:30, but there is no earlier shuttle bus or Metro through to the train station. You know Saturday and Sunday here are real reserved by people who might be staying in beds until later on the morning. So the first Metro is 8:30am, Oh, boy, if so, I have no time to tour there. How could I spend $100 by train tickets only for 5 hours sightseeing. I am absolutely stranger to this city, I am wondering how I can manage to find some famous places where I want to go. Anyway, I have not yet decided. Mr. Dxxe just came to see me in my class, he looks exactly same as he was in the co. two years ago, and his wife, Shxxn said we can meet in her Apart. Where is located near to my apart. So in this way, I like to arrange or change my plan on Saturday and Sunday. I will make a day tour in D.C only, then spend one day with Bxxn’s family and Fxxg’s, too.

Ok, as tomorrow is my last day in FSI where I can easily log in the desk computer connecting to the internet, after Friday, I am not sure I can still use a computer somewhere else. So I have to tell you I really wish to send a mail at least one day to you, but if I couldn’t, that means I have no way to get the internet, I will stop it. But anyway, I will try my best to catch it. You know, to write to you always makes me happy and get a home-feeling. You are a person whom I want to write the most. Just got news that I passed yesterday’s test. But I have to get ready for harder test tomorrow. Four books left us to read only one night time. Now only three students left in the class room are doing reading, rest have gone already. You should take care of yourself, take more rest. Don’t be too slim or too fat the time when I back, I want to see a girl who looks naïve and life-active. But I am not sure of myself, maybe too tied to be good looking in face. I wish to finish it as soon as possible. Ok, looking forward to reading yours. Really miss you.

Sir

Sirgirl (32)

Sir,

From your description , i can, i really can imagine what kind of beautiful scenes you have seen. And i also feel amazed that in states, the natures are so well kept that people really get the harmony with nature mother. And also why people want to visit and live there.

Glad to know that you are studying very hard, i am sure you will pass the test well and it is a piece of cake to you. We chinese people are very clever all the time, right??

Your apartment sounds very good that you could have a good rest there and very quiet place to learn as well. So stick to the end will be a success.

Today here rain the whole day, even now, the daytime looked so dark and feel very chilly. However, after a very few days like this, next week will be clear soon again, i am sure, but just colder. You know i don't like that, but this is season, i could only follow it. And now i feel much better, almost recover. Even the office work is not so heavy, i still feel a bit tired, so i think this week i still need to sleep early and take good care of myself.

I will try to write to you when you are far away, i know you could have some encouragement from my mail which makes me feel happy too.

This weekend i may go to play badminton for a while , i think i need exercise after 1 month, oh, my God, i didn 't move for almost 1 month. So i think i would enjoy it.

Please arrange your time well, and you need some sleep even during the busy study. Grasp chances to have the nap and then you will feel energetic of study, what do you think? :) Take very good care of yourself and write to you next time.

Yours,
Girl

Girl,

Very happy to get your mail everyday these days and this is what I need in the spirit food so called in this far away country. So thank you from my bottom of my heart, I be always with you no matter where I am. Another word, this world is so small to touch each other by internet nowadays. Thanks to God, it creates it for all of us, makes us very closed to each other. From your letter, I seem to face to face with you and know everything of your life and working, that is so comfortable to me in this strange country. So you understand a Chinese student who is away from his motherland will much miss his home and home friends and everything usually happening in the daily life, because you will actually feel everything around in a new country quite different, such as culture, life, working, living , eating even and the way of idea exchange or communications, all these are big different, a big gap exists indeed.

You can’t imagine yesterday I went bed after 12pm, too. I kept going on the test ( which can be carried home and hand over the next morning) at my apart, too much test needs care for, but fortunately I all well done it, I believe. And I don’t have time to view or even think of the tour of this Sat. and Sunday to NY city where is 3 hours by train. Beginning from today, we will have new lesson for accountings, four books had been handed to us yesterday, that means I need to
finish reading them in the next 48 hours including a test. Oh, my God, no break you need to take, otherwise you will lose everything and be behind others. Ok, as you said Chinese is always smart and gets a win. I stick to two more days and finish the impressing time. Then the next Monday and Tuesday I will have two days in the Main State for a consultation, that is a easy job and a real relaxed. Now classmates are coming into the classroom, I have to stop and write to you the next day. Hope to get yours sooner. My girl, I really miss you so much. Hold a miss until I am back.

Sir

Sirgirl (31)

Hello Sir

So glad to know that you enjoyed so much wonderful service and arrived America safely. But what a pity that you have to stay up day and night to welcome your incoming test, how i wish you could have enough time to rest from the travel tireness. However, please try to grasp any chance to rest this week, your health is very important especially when you are abroad.

See, this time, you are not only becoming one part of social elites in the business class, but also the same as other American people. You should feel proud of yourself that you really do a good job that our boss decided to send you to this class. Please cherish this chance and also pleaes enjoy as much as views as you can. :):)

For me, here the weather always warm and clear, except from today turned to windy and rainy and of course colder. And my job is fine, not as busy as before, but you can't say it too earlier, like today, there are some important tasks need me to handle suddenly, so generally speaking, i am still a bit busy, but much better than my boss was here, you know. :):)

My cough already gone, just a very small uncomfortable of my throat, i am sure i am fine already, but still need to be care of weather change and rest, so i decide to go to bed tonight early. ( you know, i also say that , but hardly do it finally. ) :):) Well, i think i will have a good rest tonight.

And i will do some relaxing reading please don't worry, sometimes i am also tired of serious topics or too serious books, i need some light food as well. About exercise, i will start it this weekend, and i think my feet are also recovered from the strentch from last mountains trip, so i can run again, so great !

Ok, i will write to you as before, but if not everyday, please don't mind. Please take very good care of yourself and i know you can manage all the tests and studying. :):)
Yours,
Girl

Girl,

What amazing it is. You couldn’t believe. I took almost 20 hours of airway, sitting in the plane where I felt much suffocated and controlled in so a small cabinet like. I, fortunately, also the first time, took a class C , I mean the Business Class, definitely I felt myself a senior or a high ranking, somehow. I got a big space with a comfortable seat which can be laid down for you lying down for a good rest, not like a normal seat in the Y class you used to take while been a
abroad. And service was so good that you never imagine, they kept asking you what kind of service you need, and coming to take this or that in every minute.

What is more, everyone of us gets our own video in front of our seat, so you could view any movies or radio channels you want without bothering others. Before that, as you know that I came into the VIP room for everything free, even if you like to make overseas calls, I took some drinks and eating, sitting among boss like persons, I got a good feeling in the first time, I took myself as one of their members. You don’ts believe that I, departed on Nov. 11,China’s time Monday, but today is Wednesday, I just on the way in the air and not any more sleep for more than 30 hours now, and I can’t go to sleep until tomorrow, because we got a lot of readings for spare time and on the second day, all students have to get a test, book- open test, which is arranged to the end of tomorrow, I need to read all book ahead today even tomorrow, so I wonder I have to keep the eyes open and wake up not to make a text failium. You don’t remember whole class, about 20 students, all of them are Americans, Admin Officers like or supervisors and seems that they are accountings experiences for some years. Anyway, I can normally use my desk computer to access the internet at anytime, but as you know I really don’t have much time to do that. Now class was over for the first day, nearly everybody went home, but I still stayed in the class room to read some and write to you. It is my first time to use internet since Monday. Your mail on Sunday seemed much theoretical comment, you have your thoughts and concepts, that is very good. As I said you have grown up and got some life experiences, hope you can always get points from that. Tomorrow I will write to you about the my living apartment where I see some very unforgettable pictures or scenarios surroundings or
along way to FSI and my impression on Mr.Fxxg’s. it is now on Tuesday at 1600, the hour different from D.C to Shanghai is about 16 hours, so if you tonight as usual open your mail box, you will timely receive it. Please write me back. I am looking forward to reading yours. My girl, I really miss you though a few days part from you.

Sir

Sirgirl (30)

Sir,

Thank you sir I got your greetings today. :)I never know that in that small path the breeze is so cool and comfortable.Nice to talk with you again today after few months, i know the real friendship won't fade with the time. Please understand that to me, hug means the good expression of our pure friendship, that is it. Of course, it is stronger than the only talk, but to me,that is like the hug with my parents or very good friends. :):) I am very glad that you do understand this point. Today the weather is really nice, but i felt a bit thirsty, maybe for yesterday's reason, i need to take more water. Later i went to have a nap around 4pm since i felt tired and got up at 6pm, but woken up twice. :)Now i had the shower and feel clean and nice, and be sure that i will have a wonderful rest tonight. I need the sleep really. Enjoy your holiday on the island please, also take some photoes to show me so i will also share your happiness.Also send the greetings to May please if you meet her.Do you think i need to bring her some small gifts this time? Well, enjoy your weekend and be happy.

Yours,

Girl

Girl,
I am a man who likes to venture on something which is, of course with a precondition, worth venturing. Remember a proverb : no venture no harvest ( a bit different from No pain no gain.) you has touched my sensible point which I think is my born nature. Absolutely, I don’t want to mislead you to somewhere where I like to go, but not with you. You are a good girl in much amiable nature, I will never / ever hurt you. if you believe that the place where I give a hug and kiss is not proper, though I make 100% safe of sure there is no one around during the moment, I will give up the Venture Action, follow up your willingness. I promise this will never occur again in that place. ( but you won’t admit that kissing and hugging are indeed hurting you, will you?)
Very interesting, in my life time there have been many important events which have significantly influenced on my working and life, encouraged me to go ahead and gradually formed my own characteristics different from others. I herewith don’t want to extend the topic, but I want to clarify that it is not my intention if there are some improper doings such as kisses and hugs which actually result in leaving you a hurt. I apologize to you for that. It is not easy as you know after ten years I get you as my dear female friend, so when face to face with you, I can’t help expressing my feelings on you. Sorry, maybe I am too selfish, maybe it invades your privacy. If only I knew it well. One secrete I like to share with you, when with you, I really feel I am truly young.

Sir

Sirgirl (29)

Sir,

Well young boy, in fact, it is not as serious as what you thought. I just feel the place is not good and also a bit surprised that you are expressing your feelings so directly there. I am not hurt by you this is for sure.Just feel uncomfortable there even you said you are sure. I can feel and understand your sincere feelings,so even when we only talk, i can feel your deep concerns, it doesn't have to be expressed by actions.But if you do, i takt it naturally as you are my good friend, and you are very sincere to me. I feel very glad that you feel young with me, since when i am with you, i feel we are on the same level,either you become younger or i am older. :) Well good rest and i promise tonight i will go to bed at 10:30pm since now is only 8:30pm. :)

Yours,

girl

Girl,
I feel so sorrow to read your pain in your face. It seems not like the menstruous problem as usual, but like what you have told me once you got serious body hurt or something like the symptom happening to you last summer which I vaguely remember, wish it wrong. Whatever it is, you has not told me clearly and I ma just guessing according to my sense and personal experience. I want to say it to you that you need much take care of it this time, and take time to take a completely physical examination in the special hospital, and make sure this illness won’t be any harmful to your health. I know as a girl you sometimes are shame of telling me something concerns, I believe the science though I am male and don’t forget I used to work in the Science Academy for many years. As your friend, I am sorry to read your pain, but can’t give you any help, even unknown what been happening to you. This is why I feel sorrow. Maybe you want to keep something personal unspoken from me, you are right, male and female are at last different. I am sad, because I am not your friend whom you can tell anything to. I want to tell you, just take a word to see a doctor without delay whenever it becomes necessary. Your health is always my priority concern. This is why I like to see your smiling face.

Sir

Sirgirl (28)

Hello dear Sir,

Thank you for this mail since i really learn something from it, especially about be close to your friends and keep the same distance with the ordinary people and stay away from the unfriendly people. That is so usful and helpful, i think i will keep this in mind. By the way, did you write this mail today after work?You mean i still look pale today? :) I feel a bi tpains of my tongue and feel low mood when i came back,but happily that from today i am fine and smile again.It is fine, nothing seriously. I just had the good lesson this time. Tonight i will have an early rest even now already9:45pm but still try to go to bed early and have a sound peaceful and sweet dreams. The other thing i feel good is i found these 2 days my work can't force me to become rush which is a very good sign. I will keep this since i need to control the work rather than letting it controlling me! I really appreciate your great concerns and help to me all the time, i will keep smiling no matter in what kind of cases. Good night and wish you a good weekend.

yours,

girl

Girl,

You are not very happy when you come back from the vocation. Your mood tells me something unhappy happening to you either during the vocation or the first day on duty in the co. As I said you should know this world has much to learn ahead. It is wrong if you believe everyone is the same kind with good manner or kindness to others. People are quite different regardless of their groups. As I said once if you trust one as you true friend, just do it to trust him; on the contrary, you don’t need to make deep friendship with him, just take him as an ordinary person ( this guy can’t be called Friend ), and just do you own business, nothing relying on him. In this world you should learn to live solely on yourself, sorry, I don’t mean Isolate. So this unhappy thing, if, happened in the vocation, ( in fact I don’t know, and don’t want to guess ), maybe this is another lesson for you in your life time; or happens in the co., you should remember my words: to closed to friends , to have a corresponding distance to ordinary people and to keep away from unfriendly persons. Anything unexpected happening with kinds people, you should have already prepared for it. on this basis, you don’t have any reason to be sad or angry. If you take me as you friend, if you want to tell me something, you will feel you find a right man. Anyway, I wish to see a girl everyday in happiness. Do you understand it?

Sir

Sirgirl (27)

Thank you Sir,

Thank you for your concerns and best wishes to me,except the pc topic. :)( you know i also agree that pc really push the development of us , of this world, but just not like it. The same as you can't ask the person to eat what he doesn't like and like it. That is it. I will continue to use it just as now . But not crazy about it.) Well, i had a very good vacation in fact, but just a bit unhappy yesterday. But I think it should be fine and it is nothing at all. I will write them down tonight if i have the time, even now is 9:30pm. I think i should, should have a good rest these days after the trip. I learn more this time about life,about people.Well, it is just a part of life i guess. Please don't feel lost if i am not around, as long as you have the good memories , it won't make you feel so big difference.:) Ok, i will say good night and wish you a happy week.I guess i need a sweet sleep as well.

Yours,

Girl

Girl,

There has seemed quiet these days here and there, looking around, I seem to find something strange and feel something lack in an air. Suddenly, I am aware that you have been absent around, around the environment, around my office and away by me. When seeing you everyday, I will feel normal, even though something serious happens. But these days I have found thing unusual, though nothing happens. Do you remember that while I was in the States, I missed you everyday, I regretted I couldn’t meet you or talk with you everyday at that time. So I tried to get time to write you every time when I got a chance to use on-line computer, in library, in classroom, in public PC, even in the University. I tried to tell you of my expression on the States or a missing on you. It comes again I realize, to your miss and to your thinking. How are you these days with your trip? Weather has been so nice these days, with sunny and a bit windy, it is at last good for traveling nearby though in the evening and early morning it drops temperature a little bit down. You must have a good break and an exciting journey. So called the Spring Wind Goodness. It is not yet right time for everyone to bring LAP on his journey. If I were you, I would bring my LAP with me during my travel around. One thing I like to get a computer by me everywhere if I could. I can sit down in the evening after a day touring and write to my friends, to tell them what happening in a daytime. Though I can use cell in long distance, but sometimes a cell can’t replace the computer as you know. On-line Internet makes us easily connect by talking and communicating each other no matter how far between two partners. Good condition has been made for everybody in this world, but someone doesn’t like to use it, he or she keeps customs to take a traditional way to contact another partner in a far distance. you reminds me of your saying one day “ I am not fond of computer ”, somehow I feel you disgust it, which makes me a real surprise. Why? Nowadays people take computers as a daily unavoidable tools for their offices or companies developments, it can be said, no computer, no well-improved world today. Young people in particular love computers in a crazy way, there are real experts and masters in this world. But you don’t like computer job and hope to do a little concern computer. This brings me mess. One thing you should see no difference that you can’t get a good job without a basic computer skill. I am always proud of my computer knowledge though I am still to try learn more or keep up pace with fast developing computer technoledge. I am interested in computers, it is not only I like it, but I find it quite useful in my life as well. To think it over, while you fix a real problem for others, what do you feel? You will surely feel proud of yourself, you boot your mind creation, you get an experience on that. It is good, isn’t it? Ok, girl, I am sorry for the topics, it is too far away from what I really mean. I want to say I miss you, you are a person who can bring me happiness and joy in my age. What is more, I feel I am much younger than I am while with you, especially in the heart. Come back in safeness and happiness.

Sir

Sirgirl (26)

Hello Dear Sir,

Thank you for your great concerns and cares for me via these 2 sincere emails.In fact, when i read your this mail, i am smiling,smiling and smiling, just as what you wish.This is really the small case, believe me, i was unpleasant when i heard the news at the beginning and also feel unfair and angry with ..., but that has been past, now my mood is as peaceful as the lake surface.It won't bother me any more. Now i am planning on my vacation and wonder i should relax more than 100% of myself. :) Comparing with my past experience, this is so tiny. Do you know in fact, i never get used to the stuffy and dry working surrounding/air inside Shanghai Center office? I feel afraid that i will have more wrinkles if i really work there everyday and can not even open the window to breathe! I will prepare for my exercise tomorrow and will have dinner with my friend after it. My life is as normal and what is the different is i have one more lesson. Regarding the previously mail, i think you wrote it down after you couldn't reach me on Sunday, i guess?:) In fact, i opened my phone in the whole morning and turn it off in the afternoon since i was in gym. When i arrived home at 7pm, i think i open it again.And i did give you a call actively but that is asking for your help of my course, i feel very sorry that you thought i am not active enough. But since i think that you have your family around, if i do call sometime, may cause some "problems", that is why i try to avoid to call you when you at home.I feel we can meet and talk a bit is so good. Well, i will change a bit soon so you won't feel i don't care about our friendship.To me, i think the real friendship does exsit in our hearts, it won't fade with time, i know it, you know it as well.Thank you be my friend, you are a really nice person i have met. I need to say good night now otherwise i will complain tomorrow that i sleep late again? :) Well take good care and talk to you soon.

Yours

girl

Girl,

The previous mail means to lead you to other side, maybe you have been concentration on a pin point which makes you suffocation, though you said this is a small case compared with the experienced one. In fact, everybody will meet such an unhappy thing from period to period in his life and nobody can honestly treat it without any different thoughts. I quite understand you, because you had fully preparations for it and too much wanted to get it for a long time. With a fair condition, I personally believe that you can beat others in the competition. You have a passion and ability of doing what you like and pursue. But you have to admit that it is not the right time for you to do so at present. So don’t take it too serious and hard, you don’t lose anything after this. On the contrary, you get one more life experience again. You are still a good girl with a passion and ability at all. I want to say that you just choose a good time to take a break, which, I wish, will bring you much mind/body-fresh after it. Take this chance to shift off your mind from all businesses, no matter what it is, completely relax yourself somewhere, just like last November where you indeed spent a child-like naïve break. This is my unique concern now. Though a small case, you should not let it like brown cloud shade-covering over your head. Smiling, smiling and smiling, only sweetly smiling brings you a real heart joyful. I like your smile, I want to kiss your smile and hug your smile body, too.

Sir

Sirgirl (25)

Hi sir,

You make me worry too much this time.Please take very good care of yourself, ok?When your voice lost from the phone, I felt so nervous and guessed what happened. From the voice it seemed you quarrelled with someone, and i knew there was something happened. Well, plesae take it as the big lesson, since we have only one life and should cherish it. In this life,every possibilities may happen, so you need to cherish it , as what i have told you last time. Today i was really very tired , since i didn't sleep enough and today too much work to do. So I should take good care of myself too, that is why i need to go to bed earlier truly.We should care about ourselves, then can have the energy to care other people, right? In this long holidays, please exercise as usual and enjoy your happy weekends. Take care please again, sir. Thank you for your support and understanding again.

Yours truly,

Girl

Girl,

You are a passive person at all. In almost last four months you never actively made a phone call or sent an email to me at the first. Only when did I call you or write you an email, could I get yours in return. You are gentle and kind with an amiable heart; you are naïve and natural like a child, but you are short of actively brave. I call you nearly everyday, because I like to talk with you. when I meet a true friend in a life, I sincerely wish my heartily friend sharing concepts and ideas with me freely. So I don’t mind calling you at the first every time. this action does the same to the email. Gradually I have found that you are a real passive person who is far behind people as your age. This is not good in a life. Maybe because of you doing everything slow, or maybe because of you thinking too much. But if I were you, I would change it. Actively doing and thinking of something will make yourself be a master of a life. Today I suddenly have such an idea as if I found something new, so I write it down for you. I wish I was wrong.

Sir

Sirgirl (24)

Dear Sir,

Thank you for your beautiful flowers to me, each one is so nice, including the touching words. Yes, they represent our friendship, simple, clear, transparent,but sincere and true. It is me who feel so lucky that could meet the good friend as you, i could only say that we belong to the same group. So the hero will appreciate hero, the same applicable to us.Please don't feel sorrow about anything, ok? No matter where i am , i am always your best friend, please keep this in your mind. And today I won't know their decision until next month, and need to have the second round, so let's wait and see, but at least i made the very good preparations so i feel good for myself, that is enough. I do understand your feelings since i do have the same before. But our life is made of many parts and in each part, you will meet different people and cases, some are nice some are bad. Even you want to hold off somethings but it won't work, just as we can not hold off time or water. They will pass you by, but only the good friends or the touching moments will leave marks in your life road which will remind you these beautiful true things/people, then they will give you the courage to live on and better. Of course, you area ble to make some really good friends through all your life, i think if we can do this, then our life should be worthwhile. Please never feel sorrow, keep your heart happy and peaceful all the time, I am still here, as long as you want to contact, the distance is not the problem. Well, now i feel much better and free so i could watch TV and feel so light.:)I will have a good rest tonight and won't wake up too early tomorrow, yes, now , i could have the mood to feel the holidays atmosphere. :) Hope it is not too late. I like the flower very much , as well as appreciate our precious friendship so much. Happy Spring Festival !

Best regards,

girl

Girl,

I much appreciate you for your concern of my hurt in a beginning of my year sign. Someone advices me to take one neck sign to drive an evil in my own sign year. I don’t believe it, but I am so grate to those guys for their kind hearts, you, too, but you are my special friend, I take you as my life and spirit supporter. You mean much to me. I am surprised to learn the first time that you used to get a pain many years ago, much more serious than what I did last week. I am so sorry to hear that, and get pain and feel sorrow in heart for you, too. you are a girl, a pretty beautiful girl, I couldn’t stand to see any hurt either for your appearance or spirit. I prey this year, to a dear and lovely rabbit, is luck for you.
Anyway, as you see, I can recover so smooth and quick in a cut on head, I know I get a good skin which easily restores from the cut. I think one week later, you can see what I am in original. I don’t be sad for that. Don’t worry. Just keep doing you own business, just like Gym and another two arduous assignments of this year. Keeping yourself happy everyday is my concern and also my sincerer wishes.
Please send your email through Yahoo again.

Sir

Sirgirl (23)

Yes sir,

I think you did see me in more joyful mood today right?? :):) And now when i am at my peaceful home quietly and replying emails, in fact, i feel calm and happy, since i enjoy my own time and do the things i like! Tonight i will study a bit on her words and organizemine for tomorrow's combat. I have nothing to lose if she thinks she can affect me life somewhere. No way,no one can really affect me , affect my future. They may affect me and let me down, but only for a very short period, no one only myself can make me sad or depressed, she doesn't know this point. If she knows that i used to experience worse things than this, then can understand that why i still can be such kind of cheerful. Just as if you used to swim in the sea, how would you fear the swimming pool? But i will analyse it logically, not subjective but objective. Only the fact can speak. Even now is already 22:00pm, but i still feel that i want to prepare this for tomorrow. Of course i will sleep not too late, it is not good for me, right? It is very glad to talk to you and get some guidances from you as well. Thank you my good friend, i will try my best to safeguard my entitled rights. Well i will say good night and wish you enjoy your happy holidays ! Write to you next time then.

Cheers,

girl

Girl,

Thank you so much, my girl. In fact, I got another two accidents at home yesterday. I don’t believe in the superstition as you know, but I want to say the year of my own sign is not good enough for me at its beginning. the day before yesterday I was hardly hit by a bus, but my bicycle was somehow damaged instead. This is a big lesson. I am also grate you for your kind advice timely. Surely I will take your advice for my life time. Unfortunately, yesterday morning I cut my finger when I was making a computer box of my own at home. You know the saw suddenly broke without any sign, a piece of which flew cut my finger so serious, I saw much blood instance spreading out. I said to myself I am a careful man for everything, but how comes this time to cut my finger by so a small business. So called a boat is overset in a narrow ditch! To me this is a small case though it cuts me on my finger a bit deep. What is more, you never expect. In the later evening after making a phone call to you, I tried to fix my bicycle which was damaged a little by the bus. I used a tool to try to bind a twisted bicycle blade with a nylon string. I never expected the nylon broken which I thought firm enough, and I hit on head between two brows with a tool because of a bounced force. Immediately the blood was over the head on the second time in a day. This time I was really sad, not because I felt a bit pain, but because it left you a big surprise when you see me again on the other day, it might be a scar remaining on my head forever. I don’t want to scare you this time, but I wonder it is a real unlucky thing to me during the beginning period of the year of the Goat sign. I cursed “shit” for many times after this big strike. Anyway, you are quite right, the life to us is only once, we have no right to harm it. You know me well than others in my surrounding. I should reply to you yesterday, but I am sorry to say that I had to lie in bed earlier than usual to let me calm down. You are my girl whom I love to talk with by heart. Anyway, don’t forget ahead you have two arduous tasks this year. I wish you a luck in the year of the Goat and get these two bids at all.

Sir

Sirgirl (22)

Hello Sir,

Thank you so much for your understanding and support to me. Now i am 100 % calm down after having anexcellent meeting tonight, I did a very good role tonight and now i feel quite happy and relaxed, almostthe totally different from this evening.:):) Please don't worry about what i told you, I don't mean to bring my issues to you, my friend.In fact, now when i calm down and think about it quietly and found that that person did say we'd better have compromise that i can write my reason in my statement part during our exchanges. So if I push too much, maybe will cause the worse situation because both of us have the similar characters that don't say no easily?? :):) Now i think in fact, there is nothing sooo important or cause me so excited and luckily I don't send it out, this is another experience i learn this time,that wait for a while then after a period of time, let it cool, then i think about it in another angle, then will have the different better understanding. And i also learn that i can never find my another part in life has the same character as me, see, this is the possible result. :):):) So i will address a little on this guy's words and move on this, i don't want to spend more time on this,it is not as big as i think maybe? Well i am sure that i will have a very nice rest tonight since i feel exhausted now ( even i said this word at 7pm tonight before the meeting started, but when i stood on the stage, i immediately turned to be excited and vividly. So thank you again and i really learn from this matter this time, i think i will deal with it more properly,or with arts, maybe , let me try. Thank you and good night.

Yours,

Girl

Girl,

It seems that you now know how to fix a problem occurring in the life. With your own idea is good, that means you have taken something into consideration yourself. I wrote down one famous sentence from our notable educationist—Confucius, and put on the wall so that I can read it everyday. This famous saying is also cited by American politicians during the days of one year of anniversary for Sept. 11 tragic Event. “ Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall ” This has encouraged Americans stepping out from the shadow of tragic event. I don’t mean you did something wrong or got something failing, but as you said that you, through this case, had another good experience and learnt something in your life. This philosophic thinking is cited in universal, you will get some nourishments from it. The life is nice, but its progress is not always peaceful and smooth, sometimes it turns severe. As you have grown up, you have learnt something and experiencing something yourself on the life way, too. I am glad to learn that you are getting more and more mature. It is your own life, you need encourage yourself to go ahead no matter how hard and arduous on the way. One thing I am sure for you that it is bright in the front as the sun rises in the east, you will enjoy the full of sunshine covering the ground. Wish you a happy time of you own.

Sir

Sirgirl (21)

Hello Sir

From your words i can tell that you made the right decision to run this morning and doing this brings the very good mood to you the whole day,forget the cold weather , since it won't stop the real exercise lovers and only make them more stronger with these small barriers. This is why i do admire you too. Thanks a lot for your praises to me and i don't know that last night my few words would bring the concerns to you and made you be touched, that is just what i thought , since to my idea, you should exercise when you are totally recovered, otherwise will not be good.
However, it seems you are well today so how nice to hear this.

Yes, it is not very easy for us to communicate in the compound even we can meet everyday, since there are always so many people are too curious, i don't think they can understand the beautiful natural feelings among people and they don't belong to our group that is for sure. So this is also the pity to live in the big city, you will lose a lot of freedoms in many cases, we are losing our basic natural things... However, i will keep my natural features as much as possible, since this is me, now after many years living experience, i start to realize that only myself is responsible for myself, my personal character has been established finally. Now i am the master of myself. So i will choose my life road and wish to spend a meaningful and memorable life, and i believe i could.

In this brand new 2003, i do hope you, and me both have a happy and promising new year. We work well and manage lives well, make it healthy and meaningful.

Last night the concert ended on 22:40pm so i arrived home at 23:20pm, later than my plan you see. But i have to say that it is a so nice singing concert, both Ms. Cai and Mr. Fei are excellent, i do enjoy their voices and their personalities, even caused me went to bed around 24:00pm, but i think it is worthwhile. Today i did make a good schedule, since i also got up at 8:30pm and did enjoy the warm sunlight and went to dance aerobic aroung 11:30, then after this i did attend the afternoon tea in our biggest boss home and met colleagues and chatted with them, including enjoy the delicious chocolate cake, but , i have to say, that one small piece is enough! Also they have a cute dog and i did touch it.

Now is not too late, i checked my mail after 4 days and did receive your mail. Tomorrow i will stay at home to have the very good rest and good preparation. It should be a very good weekend. Please don't worry that no matter where i go, where i work, we will always keep in touch, you know, since we are very good friends and you belong to the rare good people as me. :):)

After this, i will have an not late sleep, i am sure it must be sweet and deep since this morning i
perspired a lot, the feeling of this is wonderful, especially after almost 3 months. I like that feeling so much, you know? Well, i will say good night and wish you a good weekend.

Yours,
Girl

Hi, girl

It seems that you are not happy today. From your voice by phone I can feel it clearly. I don’t know why your boss came to you suddenly without any hint this morning. I suppose she has not been satisfied with your deeds or working status probably for a quite long time. When I comforted you with a kind of language in this case, I had realized there is another barrier laying in your current life, maybe it is nothing for something behind, and something will be occurring sooner or later. It is for sure that nobody can be joyful with such a thing. Your mood will be badly affected after all in a short period I wonder. As a friend of yours, I want to say to you frankly that you don’t need to take any hope from your boss, this is a reality. Think it over if she points out what you have done is wrong even you have done it right, do you have any choice to change her mind??? It is a real personal prejudice! I say you will get a progress if you can manage to step over an obstacle this time. Just do as you always do as long as you believe it right. As you know, theoretically, there is only one step between the mistake and the correction. I trust you in person, as long as you have made your personal efforts in working, you are not sorry to anybody for what you have done. So do as usual, going GYM twice a week for aerobic class; taking some readings and going shopping and etc. I think you wear away of your energy in GYM and get sweat thoroughly through particularly tonight, you must feel lighten and ease. Sometimes you need to learn how to shift an extra burden from both your heart and spirit, being with happiness yourself.
I hope to see you in joyful mood tomorrow.
Sir

Sirgirl (20)

Sir,

Thank you so much for your concerns.

In fact, now i am relaxing by checking emails and do the newspaper reading. I won't feel that heavy burden anymore, since i have found the answer to answer that difficult question, and i know what material i need to read and prepare. I can feel, my strong self confidence has been back.

I guess last time just i regret to make that rush decision of studying made me doubt about myself, but i get rid of it as soon as i can and now i focus on that chance, so i feel much lighter. And, i know i am the competent one, as long as i try my best, then i won't regret anyway.

So i will relax well tonight and start to prepare very soon. Tomorrow when i read the book on the warm balcony, i will drink some hot chocolate taste cereal, what a pleasant mood!

Now please don't worry, now i am back, stable and confident and strong. I will face the life bravly no matter what it will be. So good night and enjoy your relaxing weekend too !

Yours,
Girl

Girl,

The winter should be shared by all, but a severe winter morning like this morning, it is minus 3 below zero, maybe it is the coldest morning since coming to the winter this year I think, belongs to those who love doing exercises in the morning no matter what it is like in the summer or winter, in particular in the park. I got up not as early as usual, but did a run around the park as usual. Only a little different was speed. I ran a bit faster because of a cold morning, though, I wasn’t sweat through like other days. I really felt much comfortable and ease while doing a run, because a few people who I believe just like me are all winter-exercise lovers were doing various kinds of their own exercises as they do everyday. This needs personal brave and confidence. I am happy to be one of them. Of course, while seeing surrounding by, I suprisely found I was one of a few young people, the most are old ones. This reminds me of a vivid saying: the old one worriedly sigh” too many days have passed in the past of their life” and young, but, seek much happier time in the future of their life. The former is eager to make his remaining life more meaningful, meanwhile the later is waiting for his coming happy life. You can tell the difference. As you said one day by phone “It is so pity that the sunshine has been moving away from my balcony” ( the sun moves around the earth according to its movement rule, never changes by human’s enforcement . it rises in the east and sets in the west) At the time you said so it was at about ten when you just got up I thought. So I am proud of announcing that this morning is only for those who truly love the life ( long life with never stop movement ) and the winter ( firm faith always in proven in an unusual day ). Surely if you enjoyed the winter’s morning, you would share the happiness with me and a benefit of life .

I should stress a point that I am so grate you for your advice to me yesterday which you left for me a last minute we parted at Metro. In fact, I, while still lying in bed, took a consideration of your advice, if I stayed in warm bed, it was much comfortable; and if I got up and ran in the park as usual, it was dramatically cold and made me crazy. On a second thought, I at last took a new decision to do what I personally like. This is a life which I have pursued for many many years, which I should not easily change. Maybe you will say this is a tough guy with a special characteristics. Yes, I am. Everyone has his own nature or disposition, I have my special one, too. Would you understand?

Yesterday I spent a very relaxing one hour with you, as I said while with you, I always feel myself young and childish in both physical and psychical. I admire your manner and mood like a child, as a child with everlasting natural naive, which influences on me so much as if I were back to my childhood period, nothing worry and nothing care. While hugging you, I just seem to have a young-hug. If you say the spring is the best season of a year, then I take a spring-hug when I give it to you . The emotion or feeling can’t be described with a word as you know. Frankly, I am a person for the nature, here I mean I should be born in the countryside or the mountainous area where my character would be well cultivated and widely developed. At this point of view, a city is quite different from the countryside for its environments, habitation, the custom and habit, snobbish and the gossips from people, neighbors even your colleagues. I hate such a kind of atmosphere surrounding our life, I think, we have a common sense on this point, don’t we. As you said yesterday even though you work in the compound, we both meet some difficulties to frankly talk, as if some ones always peep behind a scene. From my heart I will feel lost if you work in Fxx, but I surely will celebrate it for you, because it is the most important Event to you for your current life, I can fully realize it and totally understand it. I much cherish our personal relationship and wish to bring you joy, peace and love, too.

Please make a good of your personal daily activities schedule, there should be a focus and point different between at current and in future. You are young with much energy, this is your advantages, but in case doing extremely too much or over your body supporting, you will feel tired and with no spirits, it results to harm you yourself and bring an abnormal circular. Doing a constant physical exercises and joining necessary social activities will both bring you a good health with a nice and attractive shape of body and a personal confidence. You are a smart and pretty girl, I like you. But I prefer your appearance with ever health and happiness. Keeping your personal psychical as a child is your willingness, and my wish, too.

Sir

Sirgirl (19)

Hello Sir,

I promise you that i will visit you when i will be 80 years to check if i am still childish?? :):)I think i will keep it, since it is just one part of my natures, so ,it will be with me all the time. I just reviewed that website for almost 1 hour , and also copy some into my word document which i could read it slower and careful later.Then i have 2 questions, would you please also askMexxie for these? 1. Does this LLM course requires " LSAT" scores including TOEFL? ( she knows what is LSAT , hopfully not.)It is another very difficult test for the students who want to study law in U.S.. 2, I checked the cost of this school and found the entire cost is much more than $15,000 annually. Here is the words from the website: the James E. Rogers College of Law. The approximate tuition costs for the 2002-2003 academic year are $6,844.00 for Arizona residents and $15,364.00 for non-residents; costs are expected to increase in subsequent years. In addition, students are required to purchase university supplied health insurance at an annual cost of approximately $1,093.00 (student only). Single students should budget approximately $1,200.00-$1,600.00 per month for room, board,books and incidental expenses. The summer session fees and living expenses will be approximately $1,600.00 per student, including health insurance. Limited scholarship assistance for tuition and fees is available, and should be requested by completeing the financial aid form. --------------------------- So from these words, the annual tuition is $ 15,000;health insurance is $1,100 annually;for individual student need to spend aound $ 1,200 to$1,600 / every month for room, books, etc. So totally does it mean at least i should prepare $31,000 to $35,700 for 1 year studying there?? ( hope i could get some scholarship) IF this amount is true, then i think it has no difference than the first one which requires $ 35,000a year in Beijing. So would you please help me to confirm with Mexxie to see what else money she totally spent on her study for1 year? ( i think you'd better say only consult this information for your friend.) :) Well, tonight i will read some books relating with that job , and won't work too hard, even i stay at home all day long, but feel a bit tired. Tomorrow i will have good rest as well. Take care and warm pleasant dreams.

Yours,

Girl

Girl,

Two days ago I took time to read the Writing again. I found it is not bad, basically caught a point at that time I had. I, from nothing knowing you to understanding you, gradually have your image in my mind, from vague to clear. During the time your appearance, I mean your figure inside and outside, left me much good impression, such naïve, natural, amiable, educational and friendly. After these two months of close contacts in the city, I have also found one more thing from you which I didn’t realize at the first time. Besides, you are thoughtful and sometimes with too much hesitant. Surely it is concerning a working pressing environment and a speed pace of a city life surrounding. I am quite aware of the situation you meet and totally understand which will affect or change people habits and tempers. You don’t often appear happily, and somehow you have a awful mood which not only influence you on your working, on your normal thoughts and on your ability to affairs judgment, but on your spirits and health as well. You are naïve with simplicity by one face, hesitant with thoughtfulness by another face ( face here means characteristics ). Of course, people can’t avoid an usual good mood and bad mood when coming to a circumstance, as the situation you meet at present. I hope you don’t mad yourself too much. In fact, I have held a bad feeling while detecting your terrible mood on the matter. You have met too many messing affairs during short periods which have certainly got a great awkwardly effects on you, maybe this is a special period to you in your life, you please take much care yourself and treat it well no matter what happening seriously. I am afraid you will lose your temple to go an extreme, that will lead an unsettled affair, not good on you, nor to settle down the matter. I have seemed to get a six sense that thing is going to be expected as keeping no good as at the current time, it might turn to worse and worse from the other side, your boss, that means you will get more pressure ever than before sooner or later. If so, could you stand the pressure , if happens, and treat it as something for nothing? I hope to see a joyful girl, this morning you appeared in a good mood, it is great. Keep on as much as you could, it is much important to you, to your work, to your health, to me, too. I know it is a little bit difficult, but you must make an effort. Adjust yourself during this weekend and the first part of the next week so that you can peacefully cope with the interview. Be fully confidant and trust yourself to beat other competitors. As I said once everything will be smoothed out under your personal efforts.

Sir

Sirgirl (18)

Dear sir,

Thank you so much for yesterday and today callings.Last night i went to bed late, but also slept late this morning, i really miss the long and warm and sweet sleep i think after 10 days . :)

Now my mood becomes stable and fine, not worry or confused, even still feel a bit regretful for what i did last week, but feel calm and confident again.

Today is quite cold so now i open the air-conditioning at home, and few minutes later, i will eat my dinner-- noodles with my parents.

I will search this website and also prepare for another important job for myself(i think you know) tonight and tomorrow. Please also have a wonderful rest at home and good work tomorrow. :):) I will be back on Tuesday.

I believe tomorrow will be sunny and clear day, how nice to see the warm sun again!

And i read your last very long mail again today.I totally understand your feeling then , if i were
you, i will feel the same way. Yes, you are my very trusted friend, i regard you as my very very good friend, even we just got to know each other 2 months ago, but the friendship is not decided by the length, but the depth and quality. So thank you again here and wish you be happy
everyday, i will work towards my goal day by day, but learn not to be too serious or worry.

Take good care and see you soon.

Yours,
Girl

Girl,

Today it is absolutely cold, the wind is blowing by out of windows with a squeaking noise which reminds you another winter is approaching. Do you like the winter? The answer is negative. But I in fact don’t disgust it at all. But today I think, though cold enough outside, you are on good mood and temper actually, because you got red of a burden, it is a burden to you, of course, a lesson to you, too. Don’t think of the burden any more, though you got a loss. It pasted and never troubles you again. So celebrating yourself at home by watching some funny vcds or listening to some light music is the best choice at present. I will print some materials of the LLW for you tomorrow and get some topics for your reference in your interview for the position. But you don’t need to consider to attend another TOFFE test at the moment. Repeat, Don’t do it at the moment. I concern any thing happening to you, so while these days you had been adjusting your plans to this to that, I just had been following up, my attentions have never left your minds, I were worried and happy for every sudden opinion of yours. I knew some of them improper, I should have offered some advice to you. I greatly regret that I should have given you my opinion to persuade you to do properly, as your trusted friend, I need to take some responsibilities for a wrongly strategic way in your future schedule of your work/life. Anyway, you need to calm down to sum up the lesson, fresh your mind, surely you have much time to think or plan the next scheme. Don’t hurry to do that. Your happy with childish voice by phone this noon was affecting me so much, I really envy you who is still a child like, and with a ever lasting happy mood, I name it “ naive as a child”. Keep it until the age of 80, then you please come to visit me who is two 50 at that time. Let me check if I can still manage to recognize you whom I used to put a lot of passion on. In a word, girl, I like you.

Sir